39’s Last words

I turned 40 in December. Hooray, 22 years as an adult.  Since, this is my new decade mark, my 39 year old self left me an audio recording. He encourage me that I need to push forward and take care of some loopholes that he wasn’t able to complete.

Here are a few ideas:

  • Take risks.
  • Artists have problems
  • Enjoy your 40s
  • Travel more.
  • Make Christmas enjoyable
  • Eat better
  • Do not conform
  • Expand on poetry

Take Risk

I have never thought that my age would play a big role to my insecurity. But, I have become aware of repeated financial and economical disasters that have drop me back to square two. Plus, Living with a Loner’s mentality has let me accept solitude than a relationship. I need to take more changes with my life because playing it safe is not giving me satisfaction .

Artists have problems

Many friends and associates  have problems greater than mine. But I am surprise Why? I never assumed what problems are really out there.  My childhood had flaws.  Hell, my unique name still bothers me. But, people faced some harsh decisions.  I have admiration for them.

No Conformity

I tried to conform to what society has foretold my generation for so long. Get good grade, graduate college, get a Job, work fatefully, get married, have a family, get a house, pay your taxes and insurance, and enjoy retirement. None of these action happen smoothly.

But I went down an alternate route:

I went to the military then community college and university(which took 7 years to graduate), I work retail and warehouse jobs to rent, I work fatefully until jobs fired me several times, I have never been married but I have kids from two lovely women, never own a house, and have been punish by taxes and insurance increases.

I have spent most of my life with this concept that does not work for me. Even when I saw different avenues, I was reminded that I should follow the traditional way. If you research several accomplished people, you will find out that they didn’t follow the concept. So why are we still telling people that traditional works?

Live better

Do ever think that this could be your final year? I have started to become more aware of my mortality. I don’t want to die but I have no control to the decision. So do you feel satisfied? Is your work done? Or do you fear nothing is finished or ready? I have read and listen to many philosophers discuss the end game. We all know it is coming yet we still view it as a distance future. Well, this is not true. So what are you not doing that should be done?


My life reflection has good and bad events but some those events were necessary  for the next one to happen.  Living with notion gives me lukewarm feelings but humans are so active to search for the negative that the positive never feels incredible.  I have family and friends that view me as a young adult still growing up or gritty veteran.  In short, my 40s are new shoes for me.  So, I  better get comfortable in them because I will be in them for awhile.


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